You never saw a fish on the wall with its mouth shut. ~ Sally Berger

Greetings fellow leaders! One of the hardest things to do, even when you're right, is keep your mouth shut. In some of my most recent 'spirited debates' with some friends, what kept the disagreement going was the fact that neither of us would stop talking for long enough to understand where the other person was coming from. Both of us had to be right and both of us needed to prove that the other was wrong. The problem was that being right and proving someone wrong is difficult to do at the same time. How can I prove you wrong on anything if I haven't listened to what you had to say? A simple debate about the shortest distance between two points could unnecessarily lead to something more serious. If I'm arguing that the answer is a straight line and he's arguing that it's not, I wouldn't care about his reason so long as he knows why I'm right and he's wrong. This is a classic example of not accepting the 3 levels of listening (hearing what you say, knowing what you mean, and KNOWING WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM). If my friend is an astronomer, he will take exception to my answer because the shortest distance between two points is NOT a straight line in outer space. We've risked our friendship because neither of us would just shut up and listen and understand where the other is coming from. It is never enough to hear what someone says and think you know what they mean. You must also take the time to understand their point of reference. Leaders must become experts at this when strategizing or collaborating on projects. Where a person is coming from dictates their participation, their input, and the root of their suggestions. Perhaps we'll eliminate calling other peoples ideas stupid with this new approach.

My challenge to you this week is have a conversation with someone about something you already know about them. Take the time to be clear on where they are coming from with their likes or dislikes. Each of us has a friend that we know is afraid of public speaking, doesn't easily trust others, can't stand to watch science fiction movies, or hang out in large crowds. Rather than simply being proud that you know little facts about them, take your relationship to the next level and understand the root of preferences. You may have a friend that doesn't like attending the fireworks celebrations in July. Do you really know why or do you just assume to think its because of the hassle of parking and battling large crowds? I laughed when I first read this weeks quote until I really thought about it and realized its not so funny. Not one fish mounted on a wall got there because it kept its mouth shut. Perhaps the lesson of the mounted fish could be one of our greatest leadership gains.

Alonzo Kelly

http://alonzoweeklyleadershipthought.blogspot.com/