The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech. ~ Edwin H. Friedman
My apologies for the long quote this week but it was too important to cut out any words. This weekend my family decided to rescue a puppy (Copper) from the Humane Society. The dog was cute and cuddly until we got home and he decided to start marking his territory. Of course as we were telling it to stop, he was running away. For the next six hours, everytime we were showering the dog with love and praise he would run to us and respond with a wagging tail. Whenever he was doing something naughty he would run away. The decibel in our voice had no bearing on his attitude about staining our carpet. At bed time we asked our children to go and get ready for bed. It was an overwhelming moment of clarity for me to see my daughter, son, and puppy, all walking away when they were being asked to do something they simply didn't want to do. Why did it take a cute puppy and crap on my carpet for me to understand the simple lesson that Mr. Friedman shared? When words are pursuing the audience, no matter how eloquent or loud the tone, they will land on deaf ears. Once again, a lesson I've learned the hard way.
My challenge to you this week is to practice the art of communication without overpowering your audience. Create an environment where distractions are minimal and your delivery is calm and clear. Try not to have your words 'chasing' the team but rather greeting them. A simple test on whether or not your words are chasing the audience would be to count the number of times you have to repeat yourself on the same message. I woke up on Sunday morning believing the best communicators were world leaders and inspirational speakers. I went to bed wishing I had met Mr. Friedman and Copper 25 years ago.
Alonzo Kelly
http://alonzoweeklyleadershipthought.blogspot.com
